The Ranting of Hill House

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

As a person who loves thriller and horror movies (except The Exorcist….still can’t ever watch that one again) upon hearing that people were so scared watching the Netflix binge The Haunting of Hill House that they were fainting and puking, I just had to see what that business was all about!

Definitely not passing out or tossing holiday cookies here (thank Glob, I don’t do puke), but it started out with some definitely spooky-ass shit right away and proceeded to get downright creepy. Anything even remotely Linda Blair-y like ‘The Bent-Neck Lady’ freaks me right on out, and the idea of some kind of unnaturally

Just stick a bowler hat on me and give me a cane. I’m moving into Hill House.

Slenderman kind of tall dude floating just above the ground as the banging of his cane hitting the floor gets closer and closer made me hide behind my alpaca bear that I always have nearby, for just such a scary-movie emergency.

Nothing greater than an old-fashioned scary show about a haunted house scaring the children, right? And then scarring them so badly that they turn into pretty messed up adults? Alas, if only it had stayed this good. Instead of the teary eye that was obviously intended, I definitely ended the many-chaptered show with more of an eye roll, and lots of unanswered questions and annoying points of contention.

Because I’m sure you are just DYING to know what those are—see what I did there??—here you go:

-Who in the world can buy a huge Victorian house and plan on flipping that bastard in 8 weeks? With limited funds? And contractors? Since that’s the premise of the whole damn show it kind of begs for the eye-rolling right away.

-I kept being so angry at the parents for dismissing their kids’ fears that I didn’t even give a shit about them. You obviously move your kids all over the place and then don’t give a rip if they are completely freaked out in a strange drafty old haunted house? When you yourself are seeing creepy-ass things and getting your hand practically cut off by a fan that wasn’t plugged in?

-Henry Thomas. He’s just creepy and he’s not even a ghost. 

-Oooh, the mom and the grandma and the kids all have weird premonitions and the power to see and sense things that are supernatural? Thanks for letting us know, Liv, and then not having it mean a thing for the rest of the show.

-So I’m really picky about dialogue and overly critical, being a writer. I admit that. But damn did these people go ON and ON about certain things. The Dad went on and on about nothing.

-Shirley had an affair. How was this being haunted, exactly? Well, maybe for her husband–she’s pretty damn annoying.

-And Shirley, you are REALLY going to be THAT upset about your LESBIAN sister who looks like she was making a pass at your husband? Eye roll.

-At the end of the show, Theo just tossed her gloves into a box to be thrown away. I guess her special touch powers that never really got explained just went away? Oh, ok. Well, now you don’t have to explain them.

-The Room of Requirement—oh wait, the Red Door Room (or whatever they are calling it) became whatever the family needed. So…..did they not see the bright red door they were going into? Did it just move around the house? I guess the Game of Thrones rip-off maze thing in the opening was supposed to give us a hint that things moved around in the house….but I guess it was only that room. Or the door. Or the moldy people. Or the random clock dude that fixes the clock for the rest of his not-life and isn’t scary at all.

-So….this awful house that wants to hurt everyone in the family lets them be with their loved ones forever—staying eternally young and not even looking rotten or smelling bad to each other. Why exactly is this a bad thing???

To name a few.

That said, I did find it entertaining—and like I said I was genuinely unsettled by some of the ghost encounters and jump scares. Despite the silly premise I was pretty much Team Hill House until about ¾ of the way through.

And I did like the one message I got out of it—that our fears are ghosts that haunt us. Our fears want to keep us stuck in the same place, because it’s familiar and easier to deal with than the unknown. We know how to be afraid of the scary monster. But to stand up to it—to recognize it’s there, let it be there, and then let it pass on by like Luke’s Slender Hat Man, not giving it more power by running away only to let it creep up on you again—that’s how we move on and grow. It’s damn hard to do, but wow. Think how brave and accomplished you feel when you can do that. Like a serious Badass.

Oh, and I loved the Bent Neck Lady twist.

What are your thoughts about this show? Let’s discuss!

 

4 Comments

  1. Val

    Agree, it started out so good. Then they had so many options for stories it was like the writers themselves got lost.

    I was dissappointed in the last episodes and wrap up. But, I did enjoy it. It just could have been even better.

  2. CATherine Hamel

    LMAO here!!
    First of all, when I was young which was a very VERY long time ago, I read the book The Haunting of Hill House and if I recall correctly, it scared the hell out of me. But reading your descript of this Netflix show had me laughing almost so hard that tears almost fell from my eyes. This line first elicited my first haha: “And then scarring them so badly that they turn into pretty messed up adults?” Hope you weren’t referring to ME here! LOL

    Next we’re getting closer to the end of your movie review and I read this line “Or the moldy people.” MOLDY PEOPLE? Me thinks that the script writer completely read the wrong book or perhaps perceived it okay to RE-write this originally scary piece of writing. Whatever the truth, your review here definitely gave me some great laughs!

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